That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
COCAINE IS GR8
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
