if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
