You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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