I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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