She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We left an ass print on the piano.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
