She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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