He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
