So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
