Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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