And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
