i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
