A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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