Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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