I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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