We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
