tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
