playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
