she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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