Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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