Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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