you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
