i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
