I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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