I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
