When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
