its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
