You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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