I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
