We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
