i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
