You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
