11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Last time i carry you out of a forest
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
