Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i can't believe i had my finger in that
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
