She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
