I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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