Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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