i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
