theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
