i don't like sucking hair
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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