i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
