Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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