Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize