If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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