So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
