so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
