your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's blow job season.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
