Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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