drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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