She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
did i walk over a car last night?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
