just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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