Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize