the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
