So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
