the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
