drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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