I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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