His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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