Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
