i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
