I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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