Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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