I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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