Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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