I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
